Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
