So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
