My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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