I can't watch pbs sober anymore
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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