your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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