If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
