also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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