ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
