there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize