Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
