Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
