my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
