What did we do last night that was yellow?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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