rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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