i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
false alarm, still single
Randomize
