We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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