i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
