Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
