youre lurking in front of me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
