When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
