dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
