Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My ass is underappreciated
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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