thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
