Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
