Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
