You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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