My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
