imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
