You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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