dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
