also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
