my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
