fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
