What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
