the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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