Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
