Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize