he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
