Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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