I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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