just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
