He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize