I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
