remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize