Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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