Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
