I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
