So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
