I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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