No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
