Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
