my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
