She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
