Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
