rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dignity is for republicans.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
