fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
