but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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