I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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