not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
