Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
