dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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