You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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