Your dad touched me again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
