Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
