I heard we made out
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
3 2 1 whiskey
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
