I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
