I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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