Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
