so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
