Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
