I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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