Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize