i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
