i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
