why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
