Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
