I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
