FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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