4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
