Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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