You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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