There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
