do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
