Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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