I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
