It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
