Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
