I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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