If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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