I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
