so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I believe in your delicious
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
