But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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