She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
