we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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