I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
