So drunk its hurt
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
