4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
